Day 19

11th June 2021

The "batteries ripped out" feeling that I noted on day 15 has persisted all week. Today, reluctantly, I decided I had to break the diet. I am loving my fasting glucose numbers, and I'm not feeling hungry - but I have no energy. Additionally, my period seems much lighter. It's clear my body is under stress. I suspect the low energy is a combination of the diet and period, but I do not normally feel anything like this bad. Perhaps it's also because I started at such a high weight, the calorie deficit is massive?

Whatever the reason, it's become unmanageable:

  • I work freelance from home, which means on the one hand I do have some flexibility to deal with this, but on the other, the fact I'm down 10 hours this week represents a significant drop in income come the end of the month. And I cannot have another week like this without starting to upset clients.
  • I'm struggling to do even basic things (going to make a cup of tea takes massive effort)
  • I'm emotionally numb and detached, and mentally spaced out. Given a lengthy history of depression, this does not feel like safe mental space to go into.

I'm not giving up completely, but I feel I have to course-correct. I'm going to try an 1100-1200 calorie diet, using the shakes for two meals a day. Given my starting weight, this will still be a significant calorie deficit (~1000 calories a day below maintenance). I might try and reduce again once my period is over (it may be lighter, but it's dragging on). I guess I'll see how my weight, and sugars, go on 1100-1200.

I imagine in a bit I'll be disappointed. At the moment I genuinely feel nothing about this. I am also not craving any "special" food - I always thought the end of the diet would be a takeaway, but no, it was easy enough to go get some vedge and cheese bakes out of the freezer. This, perhaps, shows how badly I needed to ease up. I think I could have quite easily stopped working, stopped eating . . . just completely ground to a halt.